Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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