we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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