bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
