Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
