Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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