I look better un-naked...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
