woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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