I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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