I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't deserve a penis
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize