i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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