Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
