so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
