$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
