Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
