i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
