...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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