Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
