why didn't you poke me back
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
