Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
