You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
