so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
