Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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