he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The Olympian is in my bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
