id be glad to
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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