Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
