k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
