You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am naked and annoyed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
