Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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