remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
