You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My first STD was from a foam party
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
