so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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