I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
