I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
