hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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