I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
