Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
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