Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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