you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize