i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
