I showed him my bush... on skype.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
