it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
