my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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