he thought i was a dude.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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