She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
