Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
