that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
