True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
FUCK WHALES
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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