he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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