K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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