just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
