By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
