he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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