quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
