If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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