We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
