I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize