So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
