she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize