One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
