I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
