I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
