It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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