you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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