Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
