I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize