My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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