i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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