i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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