My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
