Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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