Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
