He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
