I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize