Having a random hookup so left but love u
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
