I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
