i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
