hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
