I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
