I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
