you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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