Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize