Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
