i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
