Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
