the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
