Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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