I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
