Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
