I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
