I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
