he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
