just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How does one acquire holy water?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
