Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
