Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize