I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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