i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
