So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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