My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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